Thursday 26 September 2013
Me again...
Hello readers. I know what you're thinking. Back already? Oh god the cancer is back? Well... no - I haven't even had my scan yet! But yesterday I went for a bike ride round the block and managed to fall off and fracture my right arm. Silly me. Although I blame the cages on mum's bike pedals. So I suppose my fitness plan may go off to a slower start than I'd hoped. Perhaps this is a message from 'above' telling me to SLOW THE HELL DOWN. Message received. Although I did go and meet with a personal trainer today to get the ball rolling, with or without my right arm. No more yoga for a while. Namaste yoga. Here's to hoping this cast isn't on too long, I will keep the blog updated in the meantime.
Friday 13 September 2013
The Conclusion
So here it is, the blog post you've all been waiting for. After 5 months of fortnightly chemotherapy I have finally had the final dose. I've also had my picc line removed so can finally shower without a ridiculous plastic thing covering my entire right arm!
I don't know what to write now, for the first time since I started this blog. Obviously I have a lot of thank you's to do which will come but first of all I suppose I should describe how I feel. Which is much harder said than done! This has been an extremely difficult phase of my life and I am so relieved to have come out the other side fairly smoothly. My pin cushion stomach will be very happy to see the back of all the injections. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. But there is a certain sense of what next? It's a bit scary to think I can do whatever I want without having to consider whether it will coincide with feeling poorly or with a chemo day. I suppose that's what they call FREEDOM. I'm certainly going to embrace it.
Here come the thank you's. They may seem boring to a lot of readers but to me they are immensely important because without these people the past 9 or so months would have been difficult, and seemed impossible.
First of all the most important and probably under-appreciated individuals in this whole process. The doctors, nurses, healthcare assistants, caterers and general staff in my ward at the hospital. I know I was not the easiest patient at times as I was always begging to go home but I am so lucky to have been treated and seen to by such passionate, caring and professional staff.
My family. I remember talking to my aunt early this summer and saying that in a way I'm glad it was me that got ill and not someone with a dysfunctional unsupportive family. A controversial comment perhaps, but I have had such an incredible support system and it has taken so much of the pressure off me. I've always been told it's ok to have the occasional cry - but I've never had to cry alone. My mum astonishingly attended every single one of my 12 chemotherapy session whilst my dad managed to keep working and keep home life ticking over normally. And you bought me a dog (which you now want to keep for yourselves but regardless..).. thank you!!! The concern of my brothers has meant so much to me and I'm so grateful to you both for making me smile when I didn't think I could. Obviously the new addition to the family - Dizzy the Cockapoo - deserves a big thank you as she was an amazing distraction and has taken the hearts of the whole family. But she can't read so I won't go on...
Another of the support systems which I could not have gone without and will never take for granted is my friends. I have got the most unbelievable group of girls both from home and university who have been there behind me pushing me forward with an invisible hand. When you go through something like this you realise who is important in your life and I can happily say that these people, who know who they are, will be friends for life. Despite the chemo I've actually had a fantastic 5 months with the girls all being home from uni/graduating and it has really picked me up and kept me busy.
And last, but most certainly not least, Christopher. What can I say? Tomorrow we will have been together for a year. To think that 6 months into our relationship I was diagnosed with cancer is astonishing. What's even more astonishing is that you stuck by my side. I don't think there are many 22 year old men who would do that. And in the way that you have as well, being a vital member of chemo-club, experiencing the whole thing with me and actually making it feel positive. We've been on so many fun dates and we've learnt to appreciate each other in a way that many couples probably never do. I'm crying writing this because I'm a soppy old thing. But thank you for everything.
Writing the thank you's was probably the most emotional thing about finishing. I will carry on writing the odd blog post because I've still got a scan in 3 weeks time and lots of exciting holidays which it would be nice to log. So this isn't the last post although it does feel like it is in a weird way. The final thing I need to say is thank you for reading this blog. If it hadn't had the response that it did, I suspect I wouldn't have bothered writing. And for me, it has been so valuable to be able to document my feelings in a completely open and honest way. I can't lie, so I couldn't lie to you and that has meant I haven't had to lie to myself or hold my emotions in. I feel like I'm a stronger person than I was before, but who knows if I had it in me to start off with, and have never needed to utilise it before. I hope that after my masters I am able to get a job working in Cancer Research and can in some way give something back and make a difference in this never ending fight against cancer. And if not... I hope this blog can be found by young people diagnosed with cancer and give you hope. Because it is going to be okay in the end. :-)
I don't know what to write now, for the first time since I started this blog. Obviously I have a lot of thank you's to do which will come but first of all I suppose I should describe how I feel. Which is much harder said than done! This has been an extremely difficult phase of my life and I am so relieved to have come out the other side fairly smoothly. My pin cushion stomach will be very happy to see the back of all the injections. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. But there is a certain sense of what next? It's a bit scary to think I can do whatever I want without having to consider whether it will coincide with feeling poorly or with a chemo day. I suppose that's what they call FREEDOM. I'm certainly going to embrace it.
Here come the thank you's. They may seem boring to a lot of readers but to me they are immensely important because without these people the past 9 or so months would have been difficult, and seemed impossible.
First of all the most important and probably under-appreciated individuals in this whole process. The doctors, nurses, healthcare assistants, caterers and general staff in my ward at the hospital. I know I was not the easiest patient at times as I was always begging to go home but I am so lucky to have been treated and seen to by such passionate, caring and professional staff.
My family. I remember talking to my aunt early this summer and saying that in a way I'm glad it was me that got ill and not someone with a dysfunctional unsupportive family. A controversial comment perhaps, but I have had such an incredible support system and it has taken so much of the pressure off me. I've always been told it's ok to have the occasional cry - but I've never had to cry alone. My mum astonishingly attended every single one of my 12 chemotherapy session whilst my dad managed to keep working and keep home life ticking over normally. And you bought me a dog (which you now want to keep for yourselves but regardless..).. thank you!!! The concern of my brothers has meant so much to me and I'm so grateful to you both for making me smile when I didn't think I could. Obviously the new addition to the family - Dizzy the Cockapoo - deserves a big thank you as she was an amazing distraction and has taken the hearts of the whole family. But she can't read so I won't go on...
Another of the support systems which I could not have gone without and will never take for granted is my friends. I have got the most unbelievable group of girls both from home and university who have been there behind me pushing me forward with an invisible hand. When you go through something like this you realise who is important in your life and I can happily say that these people, who know who they are, will be friends for life. Despite the chemo I've actually had a fantastic 5 months with the girls all being home from uni/graduating and it has really picked me up and kept me busy.
And last, but most certainly not least, Christopher. What can I say? Tomorrow we will have been together for a year. To think that 6 months into our relationship I was diagnosed with cancer is astonishing. What's even more astonishing is that you stuck by my side. I don't think there are many 22 year old men who would do that. And in the way that you have as well, being a vital member of chemo-club, experiencing the whole thing with me and actually making it feel positive. We've been on so many fun dates and we've learnt to appreciate each other in a way that many couples probably never do. I'm crying writing this because I'm a soppy old thing. But thank you for everything.
Writing the thank you's was probably the most emotional thing about finishing. I will carry on writing the odd blog post because I've still got a scan in 3 weeks time and lots of exciting holidays which it would be nice to log. So this isn't the last post although it does feel like it is in a weird way. The final thing I need to say is thank you for reading this blog. If it hadn't had the response that it did, I suspect I wouldn't have bothered writing. And for me, it has been so valuable to be able to document my feelings in a completely open and honest way. I can't lie, so I couldn't lie to you and that has meant I haven't had to lie to myself or hold my emotions in. I feel like I'm a stronger person than I was before, but who knows if I had it in me to start off with, and have never needed to utilise it before. I hope that after my masters I am able to get a job working in Cancer Research and can in some way give something back and make a difference in this never ending fight against cancer. And if not... I hope this blog can be found by young people diagnosed with cancer and give you hope. Because it is going to be okay in the end. :-)
Wednesday 11 September 2013
Just my luck!
Today was meant to be the day. THE day that I finally finished chemo. I've had lots of people wishing me well and saying how happy they are for me that it's nearly over. And for some reason I wasn't getting too excited. Well now I know why... my silly neutrophils decided to take another dip meaning that I wasn't allowed to have the treatment. I was given a booster injection, and will be having another tomorrow with the hope of having chemo the following day. But I won't be getting my hopes up! Please if you're reading this cross your fingers, toes, arms, legs, and eyes if you can, that these silly little white blood cells wake up in time for Friday.
Until then... goodnight all!
p.s. Dizzy has been spayed and she is really sad. I on the other hand am gutted not to have finished chemo today but had Wagamama for lunch which cheered me up completely. Oh the little things. :D
Until then... goodnight all!
p.s. Dizzy has been spayed and she is really sad. I on the other hand am gutted not to have finished chemo today but had Wagamama for lunch which cheered me up completely. Oh the little things. :D
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