Thursday, 26 September 2013
Me again...
Hello readers. I know what you're thinking. Back already? Oh god the cancer is back? Well... no - I haven't even had my scan yet! But yesterday I went for a bike ride round the block and managed to fall off and fracture my right arm. Silly me. Although I blame the cages on mum's bike pedals. So I suppose my fitness plan may go off to a slower start than I'd hoped. Perhaps this is a message from 'above' telling me to SLOW THE HELL DOWN. Message received. Although I did go and meet with a personal trainer today to get the ball rolling, with or without my right arm. No more yoga for a while. Namaste yoga. Here's to hoping this cast isn't on too long, I will keep the blog updated in the meantime.
Friday, 13 September 2013
The Conclusion
So here it is, the blog post you've all been waiting for. After 5 months of fortnightly chemotherapy I have finally had the final dose. I've also had my picc line removed so can finally shower without a ridiculous plastic thing covering my entire right arm!
I don't know what to write now, for the first time since I started this blog. Obviously I have a lot of thank you's to do which will come but first of all I suppose I should describe how I feel. Which is much harder said than done! This has been an extremely difficult phase of my life and I am so relieved to have come out the other side fairly smoothly. My pin cushion stomach will be very happy to see the back of all the injections. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. But there is a certain sense of what next? It's a bit scary to think I can do whatever I want without having to consider whether it will coincide with feeling poorly or with a chemo day. I suppose that's what they call FREEDOM. I'm certainly going to embrace it.
Here come the thank you's. They may seem boring to a lot of readers but to me they are immensely important because without these people the past 9 or so months would have been difficult, and seemed impossible.
First of all the most important and probably under-appreciated individuals in this whole process. The doctors, nurses, healthcare assistants, caterers and general staff in my ward at the hospital. I know I was not the easiest patient at times as I was always begging to go home but I am so lucky to have been treated and seen to by such passionate, caring and professional staff.
My family. I remember talking to my aunt early this summer and saying that in a way I'm glad it was me that got ill and not someone with a dysfunctional unsupportive family. A controversial comment perhaps, but I have had such an incredible support system and it has taken so much of the pressure off me. I've always been told it's ok to have the occasional cry - but I've never had to cry alone. My mum astonishingly attended every single one of my 12 chemotherapy session whilst my dad managed to keep working and keep home life ticking over normally. And you bought me a dog (which you now want to keep for yourselves but regardless..).. thank you!!! The concern of my brothers has meant so much to me and I'm so grateful to you both for making me smile when I didn't think I could. Obviously the new addition to the family - Dizzy the Cockapoo - deserves a big thank you as she was an amazing distraction and has taken the hearts of the whole family. But she can't read so I won't go on...
Another of the support systems which I could not have gone without and will never take for granted is my friends. I have got the most unbelievable group of girls both from home and university who have been there behind me pushing me forward with an invisible hand. When you go through something like this you realise who is important in your life and I can happily say that these people, who know who they are, will be friends for life. Despite the chemo I've actually had a fantastic 5 months with the girls all being home from uni/graduating and it has really picked me up and kept me busy.
And last, but most certainly not least, Christopher. What can I say? Tomorrow we will have been together for a year. To think that 6 months into our relationship I was diagnosed with cancer is astonishing. What's even more astonishing is that you stuck by my side. I don't think there are many 22 year old men who would do that. And in the way that you have as well, being a vital member of chemo-club, experiencing the whole thing with me and actually making it feel positive. We've been on so many fun dates and we've learnt to appreciate each other in a way that many couples probably never do. I'm crying writing this because I'm a soppy old thing. But thank you for everything.
Writing the thank you's was probably the most emotional thing about finishing. I will carry on writing the odd blog post because I've still got a scan in 3 weeks time and lots of exciting holidays which it would be nice to log. So this isn't the last post although it does feel like it is in a weird way. The final thing I need to say is thank you for reading this blog. If it hadn't had the response that it did, I suspect I wouldn't have bothered writing. And for me, it has been so valuable to be able to document my feelings in a completely open and honest way. I can't lie, so I couldn't lie to you and that has meant I haven't had to lie to myself or hold my emotions in. I feel like I'm a stronger person than I was before, but who knows if I had it in me to start off with, and have never needed to utilise it before. I hope that after my masters I am able to get a job working in Cancer Research and can in some way give something back and make a difference in this never ending fight against cancer. And if not... I hope this blog can be found by young people diagnosed with cancer and give you hope. Because it is going to be okay in the end. :-)
I don't know what to write now, for the first time since I started this blog. Obviously I have a lot of thank you's to do which will come but first of all I suppose I should describe how I feel. Which is much harder said than done! This has been an extremely difficult phase of my life and I am so relieved to have come out the other side fairly smoothly. My pin cushion stomach will be very happy to see the back of all the injections. I feel like laughing and crying at the same time. But there is a certain sense of what next? It's a bit scary to think I can do whatever I want without having to consider whether it will coincide with feeling poorly or with a chemo day. I suppose that's what they call FREEDOM. I'm certainly going to embrace it.
Here come the thank you's. They may seem boring to a lot of readers but to me they are immensely important because without these people the past 9 or so months would have been difficult, and seemed impossible.
First of all the most important and probably under-appreciated individuals in this whole process. The doctors, nurses, healthcare assistants, caterers and general staff in my ward at the hospital. I know I was not the easiest patient at times as I was always begging to go home but I am so lucky to have been treated and seen to by such passionate, caring and professional staff.
My family. I remember talking to my aunt early this summer and saying that in a way I'm glad it was me that got ill and not someone with a dysfunctional unsupportive family. A controversial comment perhaps, but I have had such an incredible support system and it has taken so much of the pressure off me. I've always been told it's ok to have the occasional cry - but I've never had to cry alone. My mum astonishingly attended every single one of my 12 chemotherapy session whilst my dad managed to keep working and keep home life ticking over normally. And you bought me a dog (which you now want to keep for yourselves but regardless..).. thank you!!! The concern of my brothers has meant so much to me and I'm so grateful to you both for making me smile when I didn't think I could. Obviously the new addition to the family - Dizzy the Cockapoo - deserves a big thank you as she was an amazing distraction and has taken the hearts of the whole family. But she can't read so I won't go on...
Another of the support systems which I could not have gone without and will never take for granted is my friends. I have got the most unbelievable group of girls both from home and university who have been there behind me pushing me forward with an invisible hand. When you go through something like this you realise who is important in your life and I can happily say that these people, who know who they are, will be friends for life. Despite the chemo I've actually had a fantastic 5 months with the girls all being home from uni/graduating and it has really picked me up and kept me busy.
And last, but most certainly not least, Christopher. What can I say? Tomorrow we will have been together for a year. To think that 6 months into our relationship I was diagnosed with cancer is astonishing. What's even more astonishing is that you stuck by my side. I don't think there are many 22 year old men who would do that. And in the way that you have as well, being a vital member of chemo-club, experiencing the whole thing with me and actually making it feel positive. We've been on so many fun dates and we've learnt to appreciate each other in a way that many couples probably never do. I'm crying writing this because I'm a soppy old thing. But thank you for everything.
Writing the thank you's was probably the most emotional thing about finishing. I will carry on writing the odd blog post because I've still got a scan in 3 weeks time and lots of exciting holidays which it would be nice to log. So this isn't the last post although it does feel like it is in a weird way. The final thing I need to say is thank you for reading this blog. If it hadn't had the response that it did, I suspect I wouldn't have bothered writing. And for me, it has been so valuable to be able to document my feelings in a completely open and honest way. I can't lie, so I couldn't lie to you and that has meant I haven't had to lie to myself or hold my emotions in. I feel like I'm a stronger person than I was before, but who knows if I had it in me to start off with, and have never needed to utilise it before. I hope that after my masters I am able to get a job working in Cancer Research and can in some way give something back and make a difference in this never ending fight against cancer. And if not... I hope this blog can be found by young people diagnosed with cancer and give you hope. Because it is going to be okay in the end. :-)
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Just my luck!
Today was meant to be the day. THE day that I finally finished chemo. I've had lots of people wishing me well and saying how happy they are for me that it's nearly over. And for some reason I wasn't getting too excited. Well now I know why... my silly neutrophils decided to take another dip meaning that I wasn't allowed to have the treatment. I was given a booster injection, and will be having another tomorrow with the hope of having chemo the following day. But I won't be getting my hopes up! Please if you're reading this cross your fingers, toes, arms, legs, and eyes if you can, that these silly little white blood cells wake up in time for Friday.
Until then... goodnight all!
p.s. Dizzy has been spayed and she is really sad. I on the other hand am gutted not to have finished chemo today but had Wagamama for lunch which cheered me up completely. Oh the little things. :D
Until then... goodnight all!
p.s. Dizzy has been spayed and she is really sad. I on the other hand am gutted not to have finished chemo today but had Wagamama for lunch which cheered me up completely. Oh the little things. :D
Thursday, 29 August 2013
Nearly there...
I had chemotherapy yesterday. And I actually can't believe I'm writing this but... I've only got one left! I never thought I'd see this day, it always seemed such a long way into the distance. But it really is in sight. And I'm finally beginning to allow myself to genuinely look forward to the future. A healthy future. Trust me, it will be healthy. I think having a life threatening disease allows you to realise how easy it is to make small adjustments to your life to make it healthier. A good diet, fitness, and general well being is actually so achievable but people (including myself) often see them as a hassle. But after 5 or 6 months of doing very little exercise I miss it so much. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't exactly a fitness freak before! But I'd do the odd bit in the gym and go to trampolining when I wasn't feeling too lazy. And ofcourse I walked the 10 minute journey to and from uni several times a day. Being less mobile now has made me realise how far a bit of exercise goes in making you feel better inside and out.
I saw a lung doctor yesterday, following a series of tests. He thinks I've got asthma (not sure if this is a result of chemo or not?) which is treatable but explains my ongoing breathlessness. Hopefully getting that sorted will encourage me to do more exercise without worrying about getting puffed out or fainting (a story for another time...).
So the general mood of this post is for me a motivational one to push myself to get fitter and be healthier. But I hope it helps people reading this too! If you have low energy levels chances are you aren't eating healthily and you aren't getting enough exercise. Do something about it with me!!
I saw a lung doctor yesterday, following a series of tests. He thinks I've got asthma (not sure if this is a result of chemo or not?) which is treatable but explains my ongoing breathlessness. Hopefully getting that sorted will encourage me to do more exercise without worrying about getting puffed out or fainting (a story for another time...).
So the general mood of this post is for me a motivational one to push myself to get fitter and be healthier. But I hope it helps people reading this too! If you have low energy levels chances are you aren't eating healthily and you aren't getting enough exercise. Do something about it with me!!
Saturday, 24 August 2013
Breaking out..
Ha ha just kidding I didn't actually break out of hospital. However I did get out just in the nick of time - the morning of Christopher's birthday (Thursday). I know the question on all of your minds. What was my neutrophil level that morning, with it having been 1.5 the previous one. Well, ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for a shock. On the morning of Thursday the 24th of August my bloods were taken and I had an astonishing '14.2' count for neutrophils. The norm is between 2 and 8 (roughly). So I managed to go from being neutropenic to neutrophilic in 24 hours. Ridiculous. But it allowed me to go home and spend the day and evening with Christopher celebrating his birthday. We went out for a wonderful dinner and generally had a lovely day, I am just so lucky to have had the opportunity to do so after all the drama of the past week.
This picture was taken just before going to Christopher's birthday party at a bar called PING in Earls Court in London. You can take the girl out of the party but you can't take the party out of the girl......
This picture was taken just before going to Christopher's birthday party at a bar called PING in Earls Court in London. You can take the girl out of the party but you can't take the party out of the girl......Wednesday, 21 August 2013
It's a miracle!!
Following the change to the more specific antibiotic mentioned in my last post, my temperature spiked again and my neutrophil level dropped to an undetectable level. Not good. But having been put back on the previous antibiotic again here is my update...
So it is now Wednesday morning and I've been stuck here in the hospital for a whole week. But I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel due to the miracle that occurred overnight. As I mentioned in my last post, the doctor said my neutrophils must be over 1 in order for me to leave the hospital. Yesterday they were 0.2 so I was not feeling hopeful. However last night I could feel it in my bones that something great was happening. No seriously. My hips and long bones in my legs get achey following a few days of the neutrophil booster jab and last night was particularly bad. This is because my bone marrow had kicked into action to produce tons of White Blood Cells and an INCREDIBLE increase in neutrophils. This mornings blood test read 1.5 for neutrophils!!! Unfortunately I still have to stay an extra 24 hours due to a change in antibiotics, from one which needed to be administered 3 times a day i.v. to one which only needs to be administered once a day i.v. This needs monitoring for 24 hours to ensure I don't spike a temperature. And if that happens I can go home and celebrate Christopher's birthday with him. I am stupidly excited although I must try not to get ahead of myself. I think all of the above made sense but sometimes I forget that all this neutrophil malarky is not general knowledge. So someone do let me know if it isn't clear at all!
So it is now Wednesday morning and I've been stuck here in the hospital for a whole week. But I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel due to the miracle that occurred overnight. As I mentioned in my last post, the doctor said my neutrophils must be over 1 in order for me to leave the hospital. Yesterday they were 0.2 so I was not feeling hopeful. However last night I could feel it in my bones that something great was happening. No seriously. My hips and long bones in my legs get achey following a few days of the neutrophil booster jab and last night was particularly bad. This is because my bone marrow had kicked into action to produce tons of White Blood Cells and an INCREDIBLE increase in neutrophils. This mornings blood test read 1.5 for neutrophils!!! Unfortunately I still have to stay an extra 24 hours due to a change in antibiotics, from one which needed to be administered 3 times a day i.v. to one which only needs to be administered once a day i.v. This needs monitoring for 24 hours to ensure I don't spike a temperature. And if that happens I can go home and celebrate Christopher's birthday with him. I am stupidly excited although I must try not to get ahead of myself. I think all of the above made sense but sometimes I forget that all this neutrophil malarky is not general knowledge. So someone do let me know if it isn't clear at all!
Sunday, 18 August 2013
2 steps forward, 1 step back
Let me just apologise in advanced for the layout, grammar and punctuation of this post. It's being written from a hospital bed on my iPhone which is not easy!
Where do I start? It is now midday on a Sunday. I've been here in this room almost constantly since 8am on Thursday morning. Chemo on Tuesday was long but relatively smooth. The picc line was a blessing, avoiding both the pain and needles I usually experience. But on Wednesday afternoon I spiked a temperature of 39.4 and knew that I would probably be making my way back into hospital very shortly. Over night we controlled my temperature with paracetamol and the next morning I was in hospital bright and early. At first I was given an IV antibiotic (through my picc line of course) which would cover a wide spectrum of bacterial infections. My temperature began to steady out and has been fine since. But my neutrophil and general white blood cell levels in my blood have not had such an easy journey. On Thursday there was no neutrophils showing and a low level of white blood cells, about 0.4. By yesterday my neutrophils were up to 0.7 (once they are above 1 I'm considered safe and no longer neutropenic). So I was hopeful that today I'd be going home! But a blood test this morning showed that the neutrophil level had dropped and again were not detected. So back to square one it seems.
Yesterday the blood cultures from a few days ago identified the infection as a coag negative staph infection, one which is common with picc lines. So I'm now on a more specific antibiotics for the next week along with neutrophil booster injections daily. Fingers crossed they do the job!
Sorry it's not an overly interesting or upbeat update from me today. Lets just hope I'm out of this place in the next couple of days and back to normality, until my next chemo of course. Oh and needless to say I have missed the Edinburgh fringe festival which myself and my family were so looking forward to attending this weekend.. There's always next year eh?
Where do I start? It is now midday on a Sunday. I've been here in this room almost constantly since 8am on Thursday morning. Chemo on Tuesday was long but relatively smooth. The picc line was a blessing, avoiding both the pain and needles I usually experience. But on Wednesday afternoon I spiked a temperature of 39.4 and knew that I would probably be making my way back into hospital very shortly. Over night we controlled my temperature with paracetamol and the next morning I was in hospital bright and early. At first I was given an IV antibiotic (through my picc line of course) which would cover a wide spectrum of bacterial infections. My temperature began to steady out and has been fine since. But my neutrophil and general white blood cell levels in my blood have not had such an easy journey. On Thursday there was no neutrophils showing and a low level of white blood cells, about 0.4. By yesterday my neutrophils were up to 0.7 (once they are above 1 I'm considered safe and no longer neutropenic). So I was hopeful that today I'd be going home! But a blood test this morning showed that the neutrophil level had dropped and again were not detected. So back to square one it seems.
Yesterday the blood cultures from a few days ago identified the infection as a coag negative staph infection, one which is common with picc lines. So I'm now on a more specific antibiotics for the next week along with neutrophil booster injections daily. Fingers crossed they do the job!
Sorry it's not an overly interesting or upbeat update from me today. Lets just hope I'm out of this place in the next couple of days and back to normality, until my next chemo of course. Oh and needless to say I have missed the Edinburgh fringe festival which myself and my family were so looking forward to attending this weekend.. There's always next year eh?
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