Bald as a coot

The science

Hair loss is one of the things most commonly associated with cancer, but is actually just a result of the chemotherapy. This is because chemotherapy targets and ultimately kills rapidly dividing cells (one of the hallmarks of cancer cells) and hair cells are also rapidly dividing.

The reality

In all honesty the thing that scares me most about this whole process is the hair loss. I know that might seem really shallow/vain but hair loss is the only external clue to what is happening inside my body (apart from my scar which is pretty bloody cool even if I say so myself). Anyway the doctor said hair usually starts falling out roughly 4 weeks after the first treatment, so for me it'll be about 3 weeks.

The way I see it I have a number of choices:

1. Try to rock a bald head Jessie J/Nat Portman style (unlikely unless my face decides to develop cheekbones of some sort within the next few weeks).

2. Wear the wig which I have already bought. It looks real and is definitely nicer than my real hair ever was! I will constantly look like I've had a salon blow dry. But if summer does ever decide to kick in I will have a rather warm head.

3. There are tons of headscarf or hat type things online. I'm not sure how I feel about them because they kind of scream 'I've got cancer' or I'm just a massive hippie. Both of which I'd like to avoid..

any feedback welcome!

A great day

It's only been a week since my first chemotherapy, and I feel... well... normal. I've always liked my sleep so it wasn't rare for me to disappear at some point in the afternoon for a cheeky mini siesta. But I quite like how Jesse described my naps post-chemo - "Less like a nap and more like hibernation". So I suppose chemo has affected my energy levels however today I have been up since 9.30am solidly (it is now 10pm), and my eyes are well and truly open.

Me and mum went to Bicester village today, and had a lovely time pretending to be rich and admiring lots of beautiful clothes. I couldn't help but wonder what will suit me when I'm bald/wearing my wig. This is another issue that I need to address but I'll do a post about that tomorrow as the whole hair loss thing isn't really something I can just mention in passing. Anyway we got home from Bicester at about half 4 (I may have dozed in the car...) and when we got home it was mum who had a nap, not me! 

I had a lovely relaxing bath (courtesy of my second cousin and his girlfriend who sent me a fantastic 'home spa' collection) which was just what the doctor ordered, before getting ready to go out for dinner with my girls. 

It's a Wednesday, which many people will know is 'Orange Wednesday', basically meaning half price Pizza Express. Me and my friends will rarely pass up a Pizza Express anyway but when it's a wednesday there is no excuse. We had such a lovely time catching up and telling stories (we have all been friends for about 9 years now so there are plenty of stories) and I can honestly say that it summed up a pretty perfect day. 

Wedding bells

So yesterday was the big day (not mine, don't worry). Some lovely friends of ours got married at a beautiful hotel in London. Having had chemo only 3 days previously, I was slightly worried that I wouldn't be able to make it to the wedding. But I am a pretty stubborn person and once I've got my mind set on something that's it, no matter how many anti-nausea pills I have to take!

The whole day was amazing, we arrived at 3 for the ceremony and left after dinner (which I will expand on soon...). It was weird meeting and being surrounded by people who, in general, didn't realise I was ill. Amazing what a lot of make-up can do eh! I kept my smile plastered to my face all day and met lots of wonderful people who all treated me like another, normal guest. However when it came up to 9pm and we decided to leave (my batteries were running low),  I almost wanted to mutter *cough I had chemo on Wednesday cough* when saying goodbye, for fear of looking boring.

Most importantly my lack of appetite managed to disappear in fantastic timing, as a juicy fillet of steak was placed in front of me at dinner time (phew). I devoured the entire thing and felt much better for it. Mum had warned me that chemo might put me off alcohol (I laughed and said it was unlikely) but yesterday I somehow found myself turning down every waiter and waitress that came in my direction with a bottle, unless it was still water. Turns out I don't need alcohol to have fun! ;)

So I think to conclude, although chemo may be giving me a 4 day hangover (and counting) it does not necessarily mean the end of my social calendar. A big thanks to Gabriella and Paul for giving me the opportunity to realise this.. x

The Hangover

No.. don't worry.. I haven't been getting drunk. The thought of drinking is actually quite unappealing. However for some unknown and very unfair reason it feels like I have a constant hangover. One of those hangovers where you know it would be good to eat but the thought of food makes your stomach churn. I have been knocking back my anti-nausea pills which does make a difference and will prepare me for the yummy dinner that Jesse (my boyfriend) is cooking me.

We are going to a wedding tomorrow at a very smart hotel in London. This wedding will undoubtably be serving delicious food so I am crossing my fingers and toes that my appetite returns in time. And if not I'm sure I will eat it anyway :). I LOVE FOOD.

P.s.

Update on the puppy situation... I am planning on visiting her on Monday or Tuesday with my younger brother. She will be about 5 weeks old and obviously adorable so expect lots more pictures next week!

Gift Galore

I must say you realise how many wonderful friends and members of family you have when going through a hard time. I already knew they were pretty fantastic because 2012 was almost as testing as 2013 is turning out to be, with my mum being treated for breast cancer and one of my best friends passing away so suddenly. They are the kind of things that bring you closer to everyone around you.

There is a saying I really like which is on a plaque that my mum was given during her treatment which says:

"You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"

For me this is so true. If someone was to tell me 2 years ago everything which would be thrown at me I would tell them to get the doctor on the phone for some anti-depressants. But now I feel remarkably optimistic. (lets see how long that lasts!)

Anyway another of the bonuses is all the wonderful things I've been sent. Numerous cards filled with kind words which competed with the cards my mum received for her 50th birthday last week. Beautiful flowers. And incredible gifts and hampers. 

Oh and lets not forget.... I'm getting a puppy!! We've never had pets before (apart from a couple of rather unfriendly guinea pigs). The puppy is a cockapoo, a hypoallergenic breed which is a mix between a cocker spaniel and a toy poodle. She is a girl called dizzy and she is beautiful. 

Day one of fun

So.. yesterday was my first day of Chemotherapy. The chemo I'm being given is ABVD which consists of doxorubicin, bleomycin, vinblastine and dacarbazine. I remember when the doctor told me about the chemo drugs a lot of what he was telling me sparked memories from a project I did in second year at university on anti-cancer drugs.

Anyway, yesterday went pretty smoothly, even if it did take about 6 hours! All of the drugs went in fine apart from the dacarbazine which was really achey when entering my veins. I felt a bit tired and very slightly nauseas but no where near as bad as I had been expecting. Today I feel pretty normal too! This may be due to the long cocktail of drugs I have been prescribed in order to counteract the side effects of the chemo. I feel like an old person, my grandparents always use to have lots of pills at breakfast and I always found it quite funny.

I suspect I may start feeling worse before I feel better as I think the doctor said it is the middle period between treatments which I could feel unwell. But in the meantime.. I might as well get on with my life! Going to go out for lunch today and then try and do some of my dissertation - hooray!

Hair pictures

BEFORE

AFTER